Friday, July 15, 2011

i need to talk

Throughout my life, I had lost some very good friends due to certain grounds. Maybe best friend is not that important to certain people but for me, I always need friends. I think the universe know that I hate being lonely doing everything by myself. It reminds me of my high school year when my life does not includes lots of best friend. During that time, I only meet my friends during school or tuition. Yes, sometime I went out with couple of friends to catch a movie or eat at MacDonald but most of the time I spend at home, my bedroom to be specific. Alone.

The age 14 to 17 was the hardest part of my life. Confronting my parents’ divorce and my dad new marriage at that time is not easy for me. I still remember that I live a lie when I’m in high school. None of my friend at school knows about my parent situation. At school, I act as if nothing major happened in my life, while at home I seldom enjoyed sitting alone in my room crying while listen to jazz music that calm me down.

At that period of life, my best friend is too far from me. I don’t blame him because he’s in KL and I in Malacca. When I’m in KL, he moves to Brussels with his family. If I know he’ll die when we’re 19, I will try harder to spend more time with him.

Then, there is a best friend that when I first met him, I thought we’re surely matched by god himself. We’ve the same interest in almost everything especially music and movie. Sometimes, we magically sang the same song in our heart. With him, I felt that I can share almost everything. Until one day I found out instead of recognising me as a best friend that always support and encourage him to succeed, he sees me as a rival. I never meant to be on his way. If he think (ever) that I am here to stop him from achieving whatever he want to achieve, I just want to that say I can’t help being good at being myself. I don’t want to be anybody rival. If anybody thinks that I might stand on their way, and then let me move aside so that you can move further.

There’s also one girl that I consider my best friend just because she seem to always understand me without acting like she care at all. I have to admit that at the beginning of the friendship, I want to be her friend because I had a huge crush on her. Lucky for me, while I didn’t get her as a lover, I got a real best friend.

At this point of my life, I just want to be happy and cherish my life as great as I can. I just want to say that I love my friends, best friends, bffs and soulmate. If you hate them, I can’t do anything than ignoring you. As simple as that, I am loyal.

p/s: I don't feature all my best friend in this post. I only mention three of them. Maybe for now at least.