a wedding and a question

Last Saturday is my favourite aunt wedding. I call her Achu and she’s always like a big sister to me. We shared the same interest especially our interest in Indonesian’s music, blogs, movie, play and art. Seeing one of my special ‘friend’ get married make my heart pounding so hard. It’s a mix of feeling of joy and sadness. I’m happy for her. She got married to a very good guy. My ‘Chumal’ (Achu’s hubby) is a very simple, calm, down to earth, humble, and a kind man. He is so right for her. But, at the same time I am sad because this maybe a sign that I will lost another friend.

But, maybe not!

At the wedding, a friend asked me “do you have a girlfriend now?” and I’m just stumped! I just answered it with a very hypocrite answer. I said, “I’m single but not available because I’m not searching at this moment. Being single for a while is fun!” That answer is truly a lie! ‘Not searching!?’ duh! Deep in my heart I know I want a girl to fill the emptiness inside it. Yes, I’m coward to admit that I really need love right now!

After a year being single, sometime it is hard for me to forget all the pain that I suffered from the previous relationship. The break up really tears me apart and for this moment in terms of love life, I’m just not being myself. I’m a total dishonest.

Yes, I’m confessed! I can’t get rid of her from my mind. I don’t mean the girl from my last relationship but it is the girl that I always admire and fall in love for the past 4 years. OMG! It’s been 4 years now! But I’m still in love with her! Why? Why just this feeling can’t fly away? Maybe before I met ‘the girl’, I never fall in love. Yes, I have a girlfriend before I met her but I never really fall in love with her. That is one of the reasons why I made the decision to take the separate ways with my first girlfriend. We are in love but I do not love her. It may sound complicated, but what the hell, love is complicated!

My love life is always been a secret to my friends. I never shared it with my friend or anything. The reason why I post it here is because I know they are too lazy to read my blog. So, padan muka! You guys missed my confession! Hahaha!

For this moment, I’m not going to search for love. I hope it will come to me like it always does. So, to all the girls out here, if you like me, just tell me! I may sound cheap but we never know what it’s really worth until will get it aite?!